Saturday, June 16, 2012

I'm so white

So far, I love my job. Technically, I haven't done any patient care yet. I just sit in a classroom for 8 hours (zzzz...snoozeville!) But I get paid for it so I'm like WHATEVER!

Here she blows! Truman Medical Center herself. 
Trust me when I say that I am a minority there because I'm white! 

Yesterday morning I parked my car and made the trek up the hill to "hospital hill" where my hospital is. I passed a bunch of "interesting" people as I walked up...everytime I pass a hood rat I tense up and say to myself, "Please don't pull out a knife please don't shoot me" Thankfully, no one has yet. 
Getting in the elevators at my hospital are always a trip and a half. Yesterday was no exception. 
Man #1 was a country man in overalls who greeted me with a "howdy" and asked if I had big plans this we were old friends. 
Lady #2 was a black lady with a big food cart. When I commented on what a load she said, "Hell ya baybay! I bring the food and make people eat!" And as I got off "You take care of yourself baybay."
I know baby is a term of endearment for them folk but I really am a baby there. 
Everyone is a "brotha" or a "sista" unless you're small and white then you're "Baybay."
I knew the CEO of the hospital was named John when I googled him this morning I was not surprised to find out that he is a "brotha" as well: 

On my floor last week, a "brotha" was visiting his "sista" who was a patient...and like any "brotha" he brought a 12 pack of beer up with him. Naturally, the nurses get stuck with the job of telling our brotha that beer isn't allowed at the hospital (come on man, duh!) Turns out he's like a HUGE brotha with a temper and starts threatening the nurse with choice words and an angry fist! The nurse yelled SACURITY!!!! and they came and got him...we found out later he smokes cigarettes dipped in fermaldahide (the stuff they put on your dead body to preserve it...). That crap is nasty enough and it kills your brain cells..which explains why he thought it would be cool to bring beer on the unit. 

Anyways, I really do love my job. 1/4 of all the patients at our hospital are trauma victims (gunshot wounds and stabbings!) And the average age of patients there is 20 years younger than the average hospital. It's a bunch of gangsters and homeless people, but they need medical help just as much (or probably even more) than the next person. 
It's such an adventure. 

Dade wants in on it too: 

What's up my brotha?!!!! 

Thursday, June 7, 2012

My Insecurities

Monday I started my first full time job as a real, live registered nurse. I'm tired. 
I passed my boards {yay!}, so now I can wear in big blue letters the word "RN" on my badge. 
It's a surreal feeling. 
Today I ate lunch in the hospital cafeteria with all my "fellow" nurses, doctors, residents, etc. I looked like I belong. I had the blue scrubs, the pens in my pocket, the hurried "nurse's shuffle"....but can I talk the talk? Walk the walk? If nursing has taught me anything, it's that I know nothing. I'm so insecure. Like, if someone were to pass out in front of me right now, I wouldn't know what to do? Check their pulse? Raise their head? No lower it...start them a the doctor.
It's such a learning process. I have always been one to put my mind to something and master it. But with nursing, you just can't do that. It's a continual learning process. I have never felt so stupid as I have at times in nursing. I have never felt so humiliated or out of place. 
What keeps me coming back? Is it the pay? That definitely doesn't hurt. 
Or maybe it's the realization that someday I might, just maybe get good at what I do, and make even a sliver of a difference in someone's life. 
That's the goal, anyways.