Monday, July 15, 2013

Well Hello, Stranger

Hi. We're still here.
I don't know why, I just haven't felt like blogging.
Life is just life and it's busy and crazy and full of ...stuff. Stuff that I thought no one would want to read about. I guess I am blogging again for me, and no one else. Just so I can remember what life was like for me at this stage in life.
This stage of life is so interesting. I thought after I'd get married, and had a job, that I'd have all this time to develop new talents, new hobbies, and improve basically every aspect of my life!!!!!
You know...lose those last 10 pounds, learn how to play guitar again, become a great cook/baker, design and create a beautiful home with pleasing sights in every corner and organization out the butt hole!
And I think because I haven't accomplished any of that, I have some disappointment in myself and have been struggling through a "mini depression."
It's like, I come home from work, I go through the motions with my calling at church, and after all the "required" stuff is done, there's not a lot of "me" left. So all of those improvements and accomplishments haven't happened. It's left me asking myself, "who am I?" and "what am I becoming?" Lots of self reflecting going on... And maybe since I haven't accomplished any of the stuff I thought I would, I thought that I should just have a baby.
Ha. That may not be the answer either.
I'm still trying to find the balance. I've gotten off my butt a little, and forced myself to accomplish more than just the required, so that feels good. But I'm still not where I thought I would be.
The balance is hard, it always will be.
I've come to accept that maybe my body will always look like this, and those last 10 pounds will never come off. And that's ok. 
I've come to realize that I love to save money, and usually it's more than I like to spend money on decorations or things for the house or new clothes. And that's a good thing...I guess... 
Those things will come. Afterall, they're just things.
{Even though my inner creative self is screaming to be let out!!}
My job doesn't really allow my creative side to come out, it's very technical. So I think I've been missing creativity in my life and I have been needing to find an outlet for it.
TBD for now...maybe it's in my blog?
This quote hit a chord with me (even though I've read it 100 times before, it suddenly has a new meaning for me now.)
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey-delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts...interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
-Gordon B. Hinckley
Anyways, that's the end of my boobing. Here's an update.

I got a new job in the NICU and am loving the experience and the crazy challenge it is. I'm working nights now too, which I like a lot more than I thought I would (despite my look of exhaustion in the above picture, ha). Sleeping during the day totally sucks, but everything else about nights is fun.
I'm learning A LOT and I still feel like a dummy, but I get to hold babies all night long and that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun.  
We are moving NEXT WEEK to a little country town about 20 minutes north of where we live now, called Platte City. It's a quaint little town of about 5,000 and we found a cute townhouse there. We are so excited! Ryan also found a job up there working for a bank & so far so good. He works with all middle aged ladies, and they all love him, of course. One day he said he was sitting at his desk and all of a sudden he got hit in the head with a nerf gun bullet (one of his coworkers shot him.)
 I think he'll get along just fine. It's approx. 1.5 miles from where we will be living, so his commute will be 3 minutes long. We were really hoping it would be something more like 1 minute, but I guess 3 minutes will be ok too.....

Luna is still our fat little fur baby. I took this picture yesterday during a lazy Sunday moment. I was playing on my phone, and she got jealous, so she came and plopped herself right in my lap between me and my phone. Sneaky little fart. We love that sneaky little fart.
Life is good & I don't mean to complain, just to process.
Thanks for letting me do so, internet!
Here's to blogging again within the next month instead of 4 months later...