Tuesday, March 10, 2015

That first month

This picture pretty much sums it up.
Nobody warned me about how hhaaarrrddd the first month with a newborn would be. I was mentally prepared for sleep deprivation, and a baby that cries all the time. What I was not prepared for was how I would feel emotionally. Everyone kept telling me that it was normal to feel the way I was feeling (overwhelmed, frustrated, scared, wondering what in the french toast did I get myself into!!!!) but in my mind, I kept seeing these instagram and facebook posts with new moms who were "SOooOOoooOO IN LOVE with my newborn". Of course I love Macklin and have since before he was born, but I was NOT in love with being a mom, with breastfeeding, with trying to figure out what he needs.
But one night after leaving a friends house, we went for a drive to get Mack to go to sleep. So we drove and we drove and we drove and he finally went to sleep. Of course I had to go to the bathroom so bad while we were out driving, so we stopped at a gas station and lo and behold guess who woke up! All that driving for nothin'. We started the trek back for home with him screaming in the back seat. We were frustrated..exhausted...etc...I thought to myself what can I do for him?
I told Ryan to stop the car and I climbed into the back with him. I lifted up his carseat cover, grabbed his clutched fists and held them in my hands and softly spoke to him, telling him that it was ok, mama's here now. And wouldn't you know it, he looked at me, took a few long blinks and went right back to sleep.
All he needed was....me.
That wasn't the single moment that changed things for me, but all I can say is that we are figuring it out. & maybe being a mom is kind of awesome.
Happy one month my little squishy lover boy.  
Also, that tongue (googily eyes)